What Those "Code Words" in Personal Ads Really Mean
EUPHEMISM TRANSLATION
____________________________ ________________________________________________
40ish 52 and looking for 25-year old
Affectionate Needy, and looking for mother figure
Aging child Self-centered adult
Ambitious Ruthlessly exploits people
Appreciates quality But expects someone else to pay for it
Artist Unreliable
Athletic Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Beautiful Spends a lot of time in front of mirrors
Disease-free Up to date on mumps vaccinations
Down to earth Petty and vindictive
Educated Will always treat you like an idiot
Elegant Dripping with costume jewelry
Employed Part-time job stuffing envelopes at home
Enjoy life's pleasures Overindulged, spoiled brat
Enjoy long walks Car has been repossessed
Enjoy moonlit nights Can't pay the electric bill
Excited about life's journey No concept of reality
Expressive Being sued for libel
Fashionably thin Emaciated, with sharply jutting hipbones
Financially secure Has $5 in the bank
Flexible Desperate
Free Spirit Substance abuser
Friendship first As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun Good with a remote and a six pack
Fun-loving Expects to be entertained
Gentle Comatose
Good sense of humor Watches a lot of television
Gourmet cook Can just about manage microwaving frozen dinners
High standards Blind to own flaws, unforgiving of others'
Honest Pathological liar
Independently wealthy Owns millions of worthless dotcom options
Internet entrepreneur Big-time spammer
Intuitive Your opinion doesn't count
Irreverent Nasty and lacking basic social skills
Life of the party Poor impulse control
Likes to cuddle Insecure, overly dependent
Marriage minded A bigamist
Moody Manic-depressive
Nontraditional Ex-wife lives in the basement
Old-fashioned Lights out, missionary position only
Openminded Desperate
Outgoing Loud
Passionate Loud
Perfect Has mastered the art of self-delusion
Physically fit Still breathing
Poet Boring manic-depressive
Professional Owns a white button-down
Reliable Shows up on time, give or take 3 hours
Resourceful Calls the super to fix a leaky faucet
Self-employed Jobless
Sophisticated Spends afternoons at Woolworth's perfume counter
Soulful Quiet manic-depressive
Spiritual Involved with a cult
Spiritually evolved Subject to delusions and fainting spells
Spontaneous Picks his nose at traffic lights
Spontaneous/Eclectic Scatterbrained
Stable Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Stylish Slave to every fad that comes down the pike
Successful Won $10 in the lottery once
Sultry/Sensual Easy
Swarthy Sweaty even when cold or standing still
Thoughtful Says "Please" when demanding a beer
Unaffected and earthy Slob and lacking basic social skills
Uninhibited Lacking basic social skills
Very human Quasimodo's best friend
Wants Soulmate One step away from stalking
Writer Once scribbled on a bathroom stall
Youthful Over 40, and trying to deny it
Courtesy 'nix Fortune Cookies, Net folklore, and the author's twisted sense
of humor